Scarlette Layne

Scarlette Layne died of lies,
of the lies she began.
She tried, tried hard
to live from day to day.
But it wasnt good enough.
The truth hurt unconditionally,
and it was always there.
Scarlette commited suicide
but who knows why?
Why did she pull the trigger?
'She never really had a chance,'
some say,
'She couldnt live with herself.'
But no one really knows why,
why they found Scarlette
in a puddle of her own,
scarlet blood.
Its a case,
cold from the day it opened
because the world is always turning
and it left Scarlette Layne behind.

~The Em~

Endings

Have you ever seriously thought about endings? Its something that crosses my mind quite frequenty. The ending is the most important part of the book, if there is not a good ending, then the whole book is pointless. But thats the thing. Thats what so many people believe. Honestly, to me, there is no such thing as a bad ending. Lets just say you didnt like the ending because the guy died and the girl was left to pine for her dead lover, and it made you sad. Well good; it provoked emotion and thats a great thing. With any other ending, would that book have made you feel anything aside from maybe a little warm fuzzy that lasted five seconds? Probably not. Now youll think back to this book and say to yourself, that was a sad book and you'll remember that you felt something. Those stories that can make you feel inside are the best stories ever. The ending of the book is the most important part there is. I remember the exact last sentence of one of my favorite books. I love that. I love getting mad because things didnt go my way, that romeo and juliette couldnt be together, ect. ect. The author is a genious, seriously. I mean, if they can provoke pure emotion with fictional words, its just something i stand in awe of. The ending the author writes is the only ending that will work. Changing it would be like dubbing yourself pope of the catholic church, and thats really gonna happen. If you can find a book that can make you cry, keep it, its probably very good. I look at books, and i see remarkable endings, endings worth taking time to read 400 pages of pre-info just to get to. Endings are everything, and amazing everythings they are. I want to have a book ending, an ending so memorable. I want to go out, not with a happily ever after, but something more, something greater. I'd be truly honored if i could have a great author write my life. And i'd take my time reading it, just to make the end so much sweeter. So when you think again, that was a bad ending, think, could i honestly have written anything better myself? You will always answer that, no i couldnt. The ending is the most delectable part of the book. So i guess this is a toast to all endings out there, you're great; dont change.

~The Em~

Song Lyrics

Okay so lately these have been my theme songs and so i though i'd share them with you:

"Hold On"
This world
This world is cold
But you don't
You don't have to go
You're feeling sad, you're feeling lonely, and no one seems to care
Your mother's gone and your father hits you

This pain you cannot bear
But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through

Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know

Your days
You say they're way too long
And your nights
You can't sleep at all
Hold on
And you're not sure what you're waiting for, but you don't want to know more
And you're not sure what you're looking for, but you don't want to know more

But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through

Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know

Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over
Hold on
What are you looking for?
What are you waiting for?
Do you know what you're doing to me?
Go ahead...What are you waiting for?

Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know

Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over

Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Hold on

-Good Charlotte

*********************
"The Middle"

Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out
Or looked down on
Just try your best, try everything you can
And don't you worry what they tell themselves
When you're away.

It just takes some time, little girl in the middle of the ride (over, and over)
Everything, everything will be just fine (over, and over)
Everything, everything it'll be alright (alright)

Hey, you know they're all the same
You know you're doing better on your own (on your own)
So don't buy in.
Live right now
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough
For someone else
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride (over, and over)
Everthing, everything it'll be just fine (over, and over)
Everything, everything it'll be alright (alright)
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride (over, and over)
Everything, everything it'll be just fine (over, and over)
Everything, everything it'll be alright (alright)

Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out
Or looked down on
Just do your best, do everything you can.
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts,
are gonna say

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride (over, and over)
Everything, everything it'll be just fine (over, and over)
Everything, everything it'll be alright (alright).
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride (over, and over)
Everything, everything It'll be just fine (over, and over)
Everything, everything it'll be alright (alright)

-Jimmy Eat World

****************
I love theses songs. They seem like they are telling me about my life. IDK. (And no by the way i am not admitting to being a little kid.

~The Em~

The Mind

Have you ever wondered what goes on in other people's heads? I have. Its been on my mind lately. I was just running around the track today, and was like "okay push it, go, you have no limit, go" ya know. But what goes on in everyone elses head; what are they thinking? Your standing in a group of people, what are they all thinking? I'd love to just be able to get inside people's heads and figure that out. It would be so cool. I know so many people that just sort of space out into no-man's-land and I'd like to know whats going on, ya know? The Mind is a powerful thing... You see pictures of people and its like, what were they thinking when they took this picture? What kind of smile is that: fake, happy, sad...(ect.). What's behind those eyes? It would be so cool if I, or anyone else for that matter, could just get inside a person's head and know exactly what they're thinking. But then again, maybe its a good thing that we can't...

~The Em~

I dont get it...

okay, how does this happen. I have a friend that lives 52 miles away from where i live. her friend, whom i have befriended myself, did a presentation on self-mutilation. I call her after its over. She says i need to stop, and that she cares; that all her friends say they love me and want me to stop too. Why? They dont even know me. How can they care, when my closest friends here dont? My friends dont care that i cut, they just dismiss it like i'm just a stupid emo drama queen. And then these people say they care when the majority of them havent ever spoke to me? Please tell me how this works, because i honestly cant understand it.

Life hurts

oh my god. lately as in the past week, i have been so, so depresed. its not exactly like the kind of depression i have had previously because nothing really caused this depression, it just came here. i've been pretending around all my friends, even the one that i knew i could always be myself around. i just cant face them; let them know how i feel right now. i guess i just cant say it out loud. i can put anything down on paper, but not in words, not everything. i hate the critisism some of them give me. "oh you are such a drama queen" or "emylee, grow up. your just trying to get attention" or "dont worry guys she's always in a bad mood like this, she just cant get over herself". yeah. i hate trying to act the way i feel around some of them. it hurts me even more, so i just have to pretend. some just let it slide, like my feelings dont really matter, so they just go on talking about something else and dont let me finish or explain further. they are all i have, so i dont really want them to think that i'm depressed. honestly, acting happy makes it worse. i cant understand this depression though. its not the same. i have been sleeping, going to bed before midnight, (if you know me thats soooo much sleep, like the amount i get in one week) but i havent been sleeping soundly. my mind is like a chalk board, it used to be very cluttered with stuff. but now there are only small cramped sad things. i've been pretty pissed off too. i just want to hit something soooo bad. i want to be able to pound something, someone into the ground. it doesnt really matter who, someone pisses me off, dude, i snap like no other. and aside from being depressed and angry, i'm also sick, i caughed so hard the other day that i caughed up blood. i literally passed out on tuesday because of it, and i have never before in my life passed out. so when my track coach made me sprint a timed 800, i was sooo pissed because it hurt, not my legs but my lungs and head, not to mention it was cold. yeah, i didnt complain cuz last year those who complained got kicked off the team. but i honestly wanted to beat him into the ground. i got home tonight and i just wanted to cry. after i crawled into a little ball under a blanket, i just wished i was dead. i so want to be dead right now. it hurts. i dont know anymore.
~the em~

I won't ever see you again, will I?

........
"I won't ever see you again, will I?"
"No. You won't."
"Hmmm.. Can we at least pretend that we will see each other tomorrow?"
"Yeah, we can."
"Okay, so I'll see you tomorrow."
........

okay so i was watching this show and they said this. it really made me think. this little boy was saying goodbye forever to his friend, a grown man who helped him in life, yet he wanted to pretend that they would see each other again soon. wow. i know for a fact that i couldnt just be that optimistic/happy-go-lucky about it. i have this thing where i am, like, paranoid as in thinking that at any moment one of my closest friends could die. every time i talk to them, we do, though, just say "later" or something of the sort. so i guess i do that on some level, but i know that there is a greater possibility that i will see them than not. that is a bit easier. but knowing you'll never see that person that means so much to you ever, ever again and just saying "see you tomorrow"? no i couldnt do that. itd kill me inside to know that i wouldnt really see them tomorrow. oh man, i never really thought about stuff like this before. its sort of overwhelming, for me anyway. i know i am so much different than other people on soooo many levels, so this might not have the same effect on others as it does me. but i seriously cried because of this small quote from a movie. one of my friends died one day after an almost regular day of talking with me. i yelled at him right before we got off the phone, and i never got the chance to say sorry or talk to him again. we would, yes, quarrel a lot, but the next day everything would be fine, thats how it always worked untill this time. i guess that's why this thing effected me so. i think you, the viewer, should think about that too. tell me how it effects you. it had a beg effect on me, will it you?
~the em~