Stick Around

Hey faithful viewers. I wrote a song and I want to see what you think. I made the vid, and know that its not perfessional or anything and I am human so I make mistakes, lol. I'm not sure if I want the name to be what the title is, so suggestions would be nice. I'll post the lyrics too for your pleasure.

Link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGsHwiwQ5V0

Lyrics:

I hate the world today
and I can't even say
why you went away.
Please come back to stay for me.

You always were the one
who taught me how to run
you brightened up the sun
my heart was spun around you.

Chorus:
I know I don't know you
know you don't know
me I still love you
know you love me too (two)
plus two equals four (for)
you I am the one
two three pick up stick
around for me

What would once have been
please don't let it end
let it be the day when
your heart would open to me

I still always see
what you were to me
you and I could be
Lost deep in the sea of love

Chorus

And I will know
forever or so it goes
even if I'm solo
you'll always blow me away

Chorus

________________

Please tell me what you honestly think--

~the em~

The Sky Is Falling

The sky is falling
And I'm not calling
I need it to take me away
_
The blue is coming
and my fingers are drumming
For what? I cannot say
_
The rain is pounding
and in it I'm drowning
yet I cannont complain
_
The wind is blowing
my eyes, over-flowing
This I cannot contain.
_
The sun is shining
yet I am pining
for songs of another day
_
The Rainbows are forming
my heart is warming
and I must bid ave.

~The Em~

The End

When I'm near you

don't even breath

don't even think

And only with you

am I ever on the brink.

You made me empty

wouldn't smile

wouldn't frown

and all you ever do

is kick me when I'm down.

I said good-bye

Without any cries

without any tears

And those who really cared

let out silent cheers.

You're So far gone

Don't know what to say

what to do.

I did this for me

you make my heart blue.

Who are you now?

don't really care

don't really know

You're so far away

and I made it so.

And without us together

no more grief

no more pain

yet I can't help but feel

I wish to speak to you again...

~The Em~

*Zerburt*

I really have no idea what to do right now. But you know what I want to do? I want to...
Dance around like no one is watching.
Sing a song and make up my own words.
Spin in circles untill I vomit.
Make up my own song, music and lyrics.
Go outside and play in the rain.
Sleep for a thousand hours, but wake up tomorrow morning to go to jazz band.
Do some desperately needed laundry.
Write a lovely poem and work on my novel.
Read my favorite book.
Magically find a way to get what I'm craving.
Pretend like I'm sexy and take model pictures.
Call someone special and tell them how I feel with no repercussions.
Crawl into Jamie's hot tub and relax.
Make the best cup of coffee the world has ever known.
Draw a picture and post it on my art site.
Remember to not forget anymore.

But I have time for none of this. I do my work, I go to school, I go be social with my friends, and I have no time left. That's stretching it past its flexibility. Yikes.... I know I'm stressed, but I can't say it bothers me, because it doesnt. I'm totally zen. I might dedicate tomorrow to doing whatever I want... That is, if I'm not busy >_<.

~The Em~

How can I sit here

and say it's okay

when I've only been thinking

of you all my day,

they way that I hurt you

they things that I said

How can I feel comfy?

How can I go to bed?

I didn't want to do that

didn't mean to make you sad

I just knew I had to tell you

of the thoughts that I had.

I don't know what's going on

inside your intense, complex head.

I know I failed to mention

you make my heart a firey red.

And I'm dying on the inside

not knowing what you think

I keep breathing in and out

but I know I'm on the brink.

Tell me what's on your mind

It may not change a thing

but it matters nonetheless

please share everything

I need you...

~the em~

I Think

My mind: its swirling
like the flavors in a lolli-pop
Its everywhere and Nowhere
spinning round like a top

I don't know what to think
and I don't know what to say
sometimes i tend to wonder
if it matters anyway

Am I changing?
Do I care?
What's it to you?
Get out of my hair.

I don't need the answers
why even look?
they'll come to me eventually
and i'll be like an open book

I'm not much for writing
my thoughts are my own
I is what I is
and That's all that is known.

~the em~

Boo! Haha, I scared you!

Yeah, if it isn't already obvious, I couldn't think of a better title for what I'm blogging right now. I was thinking about it, and it occured to me that no one blogs anymore! No one! Just me. I'm the only one who has a continuous blog from when we all started and who still has it. Pft. And no one who used to read it still does. I think people have committment problems. Don't worry, I'm committed to this blog I guess. I kind of like it. It basically is a timeline of my past two years, or at least some of it. So yeah. That is my rant on how no one blogs!!!! BLOG MORE! Grrr. I'm running out of things to read people! haha

Okay, so I have absolutely nothing to say that goes along with my topic/title. But I ran today. I could have done better. I should have done better. But its okay, because I did better than I thought, so that's good. And I finished!! I was pretty proud of me. Well, I am now. When I finished, I was about to pass out (literally, my vision was fading to black and I could barely stand up I was so dizzy) and I cursed myself for getting me into that stupid running thing. Ugh. I had to lean on Jamie the whole for a long time. I like her for leaning on. She's a pretty great friend. And I get to write an essay about her... mwahahaha. I'll definitely make that interesting. But, yes. So running. Yeah. My glutes hurt. You'd think that since it was running and you use your legs that it would be my legs that hurt. But no. Its my butt. That is sooo beyond me....

Hmm.... well. I'm bored. And this isn't entertaining me because my life is pretty dull right now, I'm not going to lie. So.... MORE PEOPLE NEED TO BLOG! That's all I have to say.
the end

~the em~

When You Wish Upon A Star

Well, the title makes me feel like Jiminey Cricket, lol, but that's okay.

I saw a shooting star tonight. I like shooting stars, I think they are absolutely beautiful. I was walking home with my cousin, Abby. She told me to make a wish. Hmm..... dare I say "How cliche"? I might have, I'll admitt it. But I did make a wish. I won't share. But I made a wish. Besides, wishes rarely come true, so it's not a big deal. Even still, I wonder what this magic will bring me.

One time when I was little, I wished upon an airplane. I think it was the best wish ever. Even if it was on an airplane, my wish was pretty great. I don't know whether it was a great wish in itself, or the feeling making the wish gave me that was great. But whatever it was, my wish came true. Maybe people would have more luck if they wish on airplanes instead... who knows?

I watched a meteor shower not too long ago. Technically, it wasn't a meteor shower; it was the Earth passing through a giant ring of dust that circles the sun and the particles of dust were the shiny flying things in the sky =P. But it was amazing. Did I wish? Yes, I wished a lot. But my wished didn't come true in the way I had hoped. They came true in mysterious ways. I saw about 15 shooting stars that night, but I really only made a few wishes.

Thing is, a part of me doesnt even believe in making wishes. I think you have to go after what you want and not let pure happen-stance solve everything. I can be a go-get-er. So maybe making the wish was the first step in going after what I really want/need. Maybe I made the wish because I didn't think I'd ever be able to get that, and it was my only chance because I had been trying. Maybe I made the wish to give myself a ray of hope that could lead me to getting what I want/need. Who knows?

All I know is that on my wall, the large part of me that relies on fate wrote "Make a wish... and Believe in it." I heard that on a philosophical tv show that's not really philosophical at all. I find meaning in everthing =). But, if you don't believe in things, in yourself and in your wishes and desires, then its hopeless. And even though I believe whole-heartedly in this philosophy, I'm pretty hopeless. =)

"When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires will come to you
If your heart is in your dreams, no request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star as dreamers do
(Fate is kind, she brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of their secret longing)
Like a bolt out of the blue, fate steps in and sees you thru
When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true"

~the em~

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Today. Was it good? Was it bad? Was it ugly? The answer is yes to all of those questions.

The Good: I got to go to Adventureland (amusement park)
The Bad: I've been there before this summer and there was nothing new/fun.
The Ugly: It was beyond lame.

The Good: I went with Abby.
The Bad: Her parents went too.
The Ugly: I'm actually related to them. (lol)

The Good: We didn't have to stay with her parents because of advanced technology (cell phones).
The Bad: I was the only one with a cell except for my aunt.
The Ugly: The first hour we were there, my cell flew out of my pocket on a ride and into a giant pool of water (I almost cried).

The Good: Her parents let us roam on our own still.
The Bad: It was still really lame.
The Ugly: I had no cell phone T_T.

The Good: We managed to have fun even though it was lame.
The Bad: We stayed there for a long time.
The Ugly: I still had no cell phone.... =(

The Good: We left and went to Tasty Tacos.
The Bad: There wasn't much bad; they had good tacos.
The Ugly: I hate to be redundant, but I had no cell phone.

The Good: We then decided to go to Goodwill.
The Bad: It was closed.
The Ugly: It would have been the highlight of our day ;). Oh, and I had no cell phone.

The Good: We found a Salvation Army.
The Bad: My uncle almost ran into it with the Jeep.
The Ugly: I was still really wet from the rides at the park, and my phone still didn't work.

The Good: The store was amazing! I'll admit it, those kinds of stores are my favorites, and I found a lot of great stuff there.
The Bad: (Well, actually "The Sad:") We had more fun there than at the park.
The Ugly: There was a horrible smelling person there. I honestly couldn't breathe when I went into the changing room after this person. It hurts my nose to think about. It was beyond bad.

The Good: When we got done, we came back home.
The Bad: I almost fell asleep and it was only 8:30.
The Ugly: I still have no phone....

But I have faith that after it dries off completely, it'll be okay. I'm going to test it out tomorrow morning... I'm really really sad... I miss it...

But even though my day seemed as if it would suck, I had a pretty great day, despite everything. It was pretty good.

Yay team.

~the em~

Happy in Love

Happiness is the flickering fire that warms your cheeks on a cold night.
Love is the warm fuzziness you feel when he kisses you.
Its when you look into his eyes
and when he smiles at you for no reason.
Happiness is when you can dance when you want to.
Love is when he dances with you.
It smells like fresh morning dew
and the burning embers of a toasty fire.
Happiness is a nice bowl of ice cream.
Love is the warm caramel and the cherry on top.
It happens when you sing a happy song
and make up your own lyrics.
Happiness is a nice cozy bed that is more relaxing than anything.
And Love is the fluffy comforter that wraps around you on cold night.

~The Em~

Ice Cream

Ice cream at midnight.
Near every midnight.
Not for hunger.
Or for pleasure.
More for hate
and for tears.
She doesn't want it,
she doesn't need it.
But she has it anyways.
Not for hunger
or for pleasure
She hates it.
She hates herself.
But she can't stop it
she won't stop it
So she cries,
and hates herself
and it eats her
as she eats
Ice cream at midnight
Near every midnight.

Live.

Live.
Grow.
Flow.
Know.

Beat.
Heat.
Feel.
Breathe.

Pulse.
Move.
Stretch.
Flex.

Blink.
Think.
See.
Be.

STOP

~the em~

Doormat

Used, abused, confused

by you

what am I to you?

One day you love me

the next day you don't

really, what am I to you?

Why do you lie?

Why don't you care?

What am I here for?

You have no answers

you don't really know

what I am here for.

Loved when your lonely

ignored when your not

what did I ever mean to you?

Just walk on this dorrmat

I don't really care

I guess its all I am to you.

~the em~

Two Rings: One Finger

So. I'm getting married. To two women. I'm psyched!

But the title is misleading. I only have one ring right now. Technically, I don't even have one cuz I lost it. And I feel pretty bad because she went to so much work to get it and it was really big (and plastic) so losing was hard to begin with. But I managed.

Oh well, the rings aren't everything anyways. Its the lovie dovie that really counts lol.

I'm thinking about skimping on the tux expenses though. Just use one for both weddings. I don't think they'll care too much. Personally, and I don't mean to sound conceited or anything, I think I look ravishing in a tux. But I could go any way either I suppose. I'm not fond of dresses myself and I have no problem being the groom. I prefer it actually.

And, both of my brides are extremely gorgeous if I do say so myself. *pats lapel*
Yes, I am pretty lucky =P.

Hahaha. Woooo!

lol

~the em~

Poem Formerly Known as Would Have

What would have been could have been once.
What should have been would have been nice.
What could have been, would have been isn't.
So what is will have to suffice.

~the em~

222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222

To be perfectly honest, there is no point to this post. I was going to write something but decided against it. Then I accidently hit a button and there were a bunch of '2''s and It was published on the page. I really don't see the point in deleting it seeing as no one reads this thing anyway. So Here it is. This blog about absolutely nothing. Nothing is pretty cool if you ask me. Why does there have to be a point to everything? There doesn't and this blog is proof. =P

~the em~

Losing Aces

Oh, I haven't blogged in forever.... I guess I figured nobody read it so it was pointless to write one, but you know what? I don't care anymore; even still, its a good place to let it all out.

So, School is finally out. I'm sooo glad, on some level, because no more stupid classes! Yessssss! But, I don't really mind school. Learning is cool, and people are at school. It helps me to feel not lonely. Without school, I kind if feel a little lonely cuz no one is around. But its cool I guess. I'm good alone. Besides, I still have friends.
Last week, the first day of vacation, Rae and Nic (well Sam actually...... surprise on my part) came down to hang out for the day since Rae moved back to Florida the next day and we wanted to see each other one last time. I had a great day, I guess. I redeemed myself in Guitar Hero. The last time I played with them, they totally schooled me. This time I turned the tables. It was cool to just spend time with them. But after she left, for me, it felt like it was the end. See, Rae and I have been having a hell of a time keeping our friendship together as it is with her only 52 miles away. Now, she'll be way farther away and we never talk when she's in Florida. I kind of feel like it'll all fall apart soon, and that was the last really good time we'll ever have together... I don't know. I just really don't want it to be the end. I love her a lot, she's a great friend. She helped make me who I am today, without her I would still be a lost cause. So it kind of feels like I'm losing a little piece of me too, that is, if I lose her. I don't want to though. I just don't think it will ever be the same. I'm okay though. I'm glad I got to have her in my life at all, I feel blessed really. This is just not an era I want to end.
But Rae isn't the only era that may be coming to an end. I think Nic is too actually. I don't know why for sure... There's this part of my heart that can't take it anymore. The rest is perfectly fine, but that part is very persistant. So I guess it's hard. I don't want our friendship to end ever, never ever. That part of my heart that can't deal anymore gives up at the thought of losing her. There was a time in my life when I thought I couldn't live without her. I realize I can live without her now. But I don't want to. Life without her now can't be great. I'd like to keep mine the way it is, no ending eras. I like things the way they are. Life is good now. I don't want it to change.
But life does change and eras do end. This I have to face. I don't have to like it though. I was really down Wednesday after they left because I was thinking about this. I started talking to Yvette about it and for once in my life, I have found someone who can understand how I feel. She helps a lot. I have a feeling that my heart will break, I would say a little but I know its soo much more than a little. But now I know that she's there with a bucket of super glue and she will put it back together, piece by piece. I'm not saying I'll ever forget, but at least I'll be okay. I never thought I would be before.
See, I'm better than I used to be. I think this quiet time in my life was here for me to figure it all out. And this I have done. I've never been able to say that I'm okay before. But now I am, despite it all. I don't want anything to end, and I will fight it to the end with all my heart. But I think I'm ready to face the real world. I may lose my good ace this time. But the deck isn't made only of two's and three's. There are more kings and aces left in the deck of my poker game of life.

~The Em~

Chemical Imbalance My A**

Well, for a long time you could say that I was clinically depressed. I wasn't happy and nothing could make me happy. There wasn't much of a cause for it, it was just there like a black cloud surrounding my head that I couldn't, or wouldn't, get rid of. I actually got to the point where I was contemplating suicide. Well, to be completely honest, I was planning my own suicide. I would have done it too. But something-- someone--stopped me, and I am sooooo incredibly thankful they did. After that, I began my slow, slow journey to climbing out of that hole I was in. Hell, I didn't even realized it then, but I was. It took a long time to get where I am today. I don't think I would have if it weren't for two people in my life... I want to thank them whole-heartedly. Nic, you've always been there for me and, no matter what, always made me feel better in even the worst of situations. You have had the biggest influence on my life in the best ways possible. I know that you don't think so, but you have. You're my best friend, and, I hope, always will be. Rae, you came into my life quickly and just as quickly you loved me in my bad times. That I still don't understand. You kicked my depressed ass, dude. Because of you guys, I'm doing better than I have ever done in my entire life. No, I'm not a happy-go-lucky optimist, but I'm doing good. And as proof of that, it has been an entire six months since I last cut! I never thought I could do it. And, science can kiss my ass too. Chemical imbalance my ass.... So, thank you, I guess, for sticking with my lame ass. It means more than you'll ever know. Six Months Baby!!!!!! I'm psyched...
~The Em~

What's Up?

What's up? Well, for me. Asolutely NOTHING. God! Why does life have to be soooooo boring. lol. Well, I guess stuff is happening but that doesn't change the fact that I am bored out of my mind. Let's see though. I started soccer this week and boy do I LOVE it! I think it's one of the only things I have to look forward in the day. I mean, sure I hurt sooo bad because of it, but its a good pain. I'm really psyched because they're going to start working with me on my goalie skills today. Yesterday, they just put me in the net and said absolutely nothing to help me out, just "don't worry if you suck". Well, I did. But, only one of the 5 balls that came my way got by. I hope I'll be a good goalie. I just need to get over my reflex of ducking or flinching when something comes flying towards my head at an alarming speed..lol. Ugh. On a different note, AP is also kicking my ass. It sucks so bad.... but at least this class requires some brain work. I think freshman should be able to take any class they want to, or know they can handle. Then, I'd be up in the upperclassmen classes. Boy, I wish I could be there. My brain is sad here. It wants new, fun things to learn. I'm dehydrated, thats a new one. Well, not so new. I'm always dehydrated, but majorly right now. It sucks!... But oh well, I'll get over it. And currently, the ceiling. The ceiling is up. I'm going to guess some toxic mold since I'm at school and it's a billion years old and rotten. Rats somewhere in the walls and elsewhere.... And the sky. The sky is up, as it always is. That is how dull I feel my life is right now. I have nothing more to say.
~the em~

New

New.

Sometimes, you need a change in your life.

Sometimes, it's good to be different than you were.

You're not always who you think you are, or thought you were.

Just because you do one thing one day, doesnt mean you have to do the same the next.

Time catches up to you, and you realize that you arent who you are.

The box you're in isnt who you are, so you don't have to be inside it.

A box is made of cardboard; its nothing you can't break.

The inside of a box is dark, and flashlights run dead eventually.

So the wind blows, and I let it take me with it.

No box can confine who I am.

Blackness does not describe me as I thought

But bright colors, like those of a rainbow.

I Change to who I feel I want to be.

I change as the wind blows, in whatever direction it blows me.

New is good.

Change is good.

Don't fight who you are.

Go where you feel like going, do what you feel like doing.

Let the wind blow you anywhere.

And don't stay in a stupid cardboard box.

~The Em~

Snapshot of Chicago

So I went to Chicago this week, and let me tell you it's about the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me. It's were I belong, I think. Not Chicago in specific, but a large city. As soon as we could start to see the city, I brightened up. I was happy there; I didn't even need a reason to be happy. I just was. It's really hard to explain how at home I felt there. So many people were afraid of being mugged or something. But not me; it didn't seem to frighten me. The traffic bothered so many people, especially when we were shopping. But not me; it felt normal, right. I think it was the best experience of my life so far. Best place I've ever been.
And the people I was with made it that much better. Name, Jimmy. Even though I've known Jimmy for a long time, he just really popped into my life Thursday. And God I'm glad he did. I don't know how, but he makes me really happy and he knows how to make me laugh. I mean, I've only really actually been friends with the guy two days or so, but it sucks to not have him around anymore. And I know things might not be the same anymore... and that makes me sad. I want to go back sooo bad. Things were better there. Just thinking about it makes me feel better. I felt warm and wanted there. Here, it's different. I don't feel warm and wanted; it's more like cold and unwelcomed.
But I loved my trip. I know I'll go back, take someone I love with me and show them the things that make a big city like that more wonderful than they can see. I dont know... I loved my trip. I loved who I was there with. I loved the feeling of being there. I love Chicago!
~the em~

Speech

Yay me!!! We got to state in speech, which, as the first freshman in forever to get that far, i was pretty excited about. i was actually the only person the judge didnt critique. I felt special. And today we went to state, which was cool. It was awesome, really. And we got a two. That means we didnt make it on to all-state. I should feel disappointed. But I Don't! Oh my god, i am sooooo relieved, you have no idea!!! When you read the same dull script that you never even liked in the first place, over and over again 100 times, it gets old. I am so glad to never again have to pick up that script and be that lame-0 charater ever again! So here's to failure: May it always come upon us when we want it too!!!!(lol)

~the em~

Epiphany

Well, the other night, I read this book. Its a great book and I'd suggest it to any and everyone. Its called "The Realm of Possibility". It has such great depth and wonderful philosophical meaning. Any way, great book. But when I finished reading it, or really when I was reading it, I had an Epiphany, a sudden realization of great relevence (thats my definition, not everyone's). So I thought I'd share. This is a good epiphany, I think. Its kind of random and metaphorical, but if you really look at it, it makes so much sense. So here it is.
_______________________________

Epiphany I

Let wat is, be.
You try too hard to find yourself.
If you sit still, wallowing in what could be, it never will.
ALONE is manmade.
When life places a hurdle in your path, jump.
Possivility is endless.
Don't limit yourself to walking when you can run.
Scars fade with time.
You can't hide forever.
You have to search before you can find.
If you question everything, you'll never have a truth.
Let it flow.
There doesn't have to be an answer for everyhting; Sometimes things just are.
Lear to live with life.
Don't provoke the unbearrable; You'll always lose the fight.
Everyone needs help once in a while.
Your dreams are your own.
YOu never know when you can change someone's life.
Don't wallow in the pain of tomorrow when today is still good.
When it rains, dance.
If you spend all your time searching for one thing, you'll miss everything else.
You can't mend a tear if you don't pick up the needle and thread.
Regret gets you nowhere.
If you can't swim, your won't learn by standing on land.
The tide comes in and washes away the old footprints, making room for the next day's.
_____________________________________________

~The Em~

What Do You Do?

What do oyou do
when everything around you
comes crashing down?

What do you do
when in your own tears,
you seem to drown?

What do you do
when your heart not only breaks
but completely shatters?

What do you do
when your every thought
to no one, matters?

What do you do
when all good things
come to an end?

What do you do
when your sould is a rag
no one could mend?

~The Em~

New Year's

Happy Belated New Year's!!!!

I'm late, I know, but at least I remembered at some point!

So yeah... I think this year my resolutions are:

-to lose weight (like every year)

-to work harder

-to be more optimistic

-to write more, finish my two novels

-not to over-analize/ over-complicate everything

-to be a better person

-to have a remotely good year

So those are my resolutions so far, I'll probably come up with more, but for now, this works. I don't think I should limit myself to making resolutions only at New Year's, no one should. Share your resolution, if you'd like. I'd really like to hear!

~The Em~