In Loving Memory

Dear Kandalynn Marie Hall,
I never really knew you well. We'd had classes together and when we were little kids, we went to a camp together. I remember you were my biggest rival at carpetball and at every opprotunity we got, we would be at those tables, and chances are, you were beating me. You were my best friend there. Granted after that, we grew far apart. But I never forgot that, never forgot you. Throughout high school, we had various classes together. Health, I think was the big one. You hadn't changed from when we were kids. You were never afraid to speak your mind and you didn't give a shit what other people thought as long as you were happy. You were so full of life. Though I didn't know you well, I knew that even still. And now you're gone. You're life was taken so quickly, so unexpectedly, so unfairly. I never thought it would be like this, even when I heard the devastating news I just figured and hoped with all my being everything would be okay. I'm still waiting to wake up in the morning from this nightmare and see you're okay and at school, as happy as always. But I know that won't happen. Reality hasn't hit yet. It just seems so impossible that you're really gone. You were so young. You didn't deserve this Kandi. You deserve to be alive, to be happy, to be going to prom next weekend, to graduate in two years, to get married and have kids, to die of old age. But now you're gone. Your life was stripped away without rhyme or reason. You were loved by so many and you will be greatly missed. I hope you know that now, wherever you are. School isn't the same without you, nothing is the same. No one will forget you Kandi. You've helped us all in life and in death. I know now that I will never take a single moment for granted because there is no telling when it will all be taken away from you. I will try harder when crossing an intersection to look both ways and be a better driver. I will live every day to the fullest and have no regrets. Thank you for everything, for being you, for living life, for loving it. I hope you are happier now, hope you are out of pain and at peace. You will always be loved, no matter what happens. You will always have a spot in my mind and in my heart.
With all my heart,
I miss you.
Emylee Brooke Sanders

I'm Fearless

I've told you time and time again. I'm fearless.

But to be honest though, I'm not. I'm not afraid of spiders, of snakes, of the monsters under the bed. I don't scream in scary movies, don't freak out at haunted houses or worry incessantly about what's hiding behind the next corner. I have no phobias. I'm also not afraid of what other people think of me, of what others are capable of, or the authority posessed by some. However, I am scared of you. Scared shitless. I'm scared you're going to walk out of my life as quickly as you walked into it. I'm scared that you'll hurt me. I'm scared that you'll stop loving me, scared that someday you'll wake up and see my every flaw. I'm afraid you'll shatter my heart into a billion little pieces. I'm afraid you'll realize you're way too good for me. I'm afraid you'll find someone better and you'll take that opprotunity. I'm afriad you'll get tired of me, afraid you'll leave and never come back. I'm terrified if that happens, if you break my heart, how it will kill me to see you. I'm terrified by how my heart already stops every time I see you, terrified by how much it would it hurt if you leave. I'm terrified that you're just like cocaine, and baby I"m addicted.

I'm just completely and utterly fearful.
~th em~

There Is No Fighting the Tide

Along with death and taxes, change is also something that is expected and required in life. It happens every day to every one. Some are small, like changing your mind on where to go for lunch. Some are life altering, like death. With the changes, you must adapt. I'll probably be the first to admitt, I'm not the greatest in the world at adapting to change or accepting it for that matter. A bitter taste on my tongue, change is something I do not like. I'm not unlike others in this matter. Find any cafeteria or break room. People will sit in the same place every time. Someone takes their place and all hell breaks loose. But despite my distaste for eminent change, I find myself submerged in it. Just when I think I can tread the waters of a change, a new wave breaks and I'm pulled under again to fight my way back to the surface. It's a never ending fight. It seems I can't catch a break. Not all change is bad, not in the least. There are probably as many positive changes in life as negative. It's all a part of living, of breathing. Changing. You can't evade it, can't fight it. The world is always turning, the days are never the same.
~the em~