whoa, i havent been on here in forever....
okay well in the past few months i've realized a lot of things... the first is that the best things in life like to go away, far away where i cant see them anymore. its a hard realization when you just suddenly know that things, anything good, is really over forever. like for instance: i had the best weekend ever this past weekend, then because it was over, i cried, had a mental breakdown, stayed home from school, and i know it sounds pathetic, but to know its never gonna happen again, that you'll never see the same things again? its so hard, especially when its a person (that was a person i met this weekend). the second is that bad things really happen to good people. many people i know and loved, died these past few months. i had horrible things happen to me, and i dont think i did all that much wrong... idk? the third is that you dont know what you got untill its gone. i've found out the hard way. but i like the song about it.lol. and only one thing has stayed so far, or should i say one person, they've stayed through everything, and i know what i got with that person; the best friendship (on my part) that i have ever had before. yeah, a few realizations in my mind... some thoughts on life , the whole she-bang.
my head is weird
the em is out

Memories...

okay i have been thinking a lot about camp lately and i cant seem to get some of the super-cool phrases some people said. so i will now share with you some of those memories:
"Four score and sevev years ago, our fore-fathers brought unto to this country.... Black people!" Mark (gettysburg address) and Heather (the wild spin.)
"I Eat my cake with a spoon. I eat my cake with a spoon. When there's no fork around, I will not wear a frown, for I'll eat my cake with a spoon." song first sung by Mark
"What is 'Weimer'?" Abby, totally clueless
"Boy-pretty. Its real... Hey, Nick, you're boy-pretty. Okay no you're not, but your brother is." Abby with the legendary boy-pretty thing.
"Rebecca Brown can moo. Can you?" Levi and myself poking fun at Rebecca.
"Your mer-mans boobs are croocked. See that one is bigger than the other." Nathan mocking our wining mer-maid thanks to sam
"Your legs are really smooth (*petting nicki's legs*)" Jessica
"As of now i am 13 years young" me, and nicki's response "dude, only old people can be 'years young'."
"Does it count if you get shot by one?" Nathan
"We stuck........ our butts........ out the window......... at the ......... creepy guys........ at mcdonalds........" courtney(.......... means uncontrolable laughter during)
"Pin her down!!!!!!!" said by daniella after joanna said "If she doesnt get her picture taken, then we all go to bed now!" all of this directed at me
"We want to stay up untill Justin and Ashley get here" my whole cabin but we all zonked out before that
"I'm glad i am a camper there's nothing i'd rather be, but if i were'nt a camper... An Albino Pine Fligeon I would be" the revised version of the counselor song sang by my camper but this vers was my own
"I'm here to get my ultrasound" by belinda then "AHHHH" by justin running out of the room fearing he'll get pregnant
"Llama llama llama llama kiss a llama llama llama llama" dotty's version of the llama song
"I like you because you told me that i shouldnt want to go home because we'll miss you here" belinda saying why she liked me, which i do not recall saying that
"Spontaniousness" word created there by yours truely
"Oh my god! You cant see that he likes you!?!" me trying to convince nicki that justin likes her back, but i couldnt enter into her thick skull
"Good job you whore, heard you slept with nicki last night" levi to me after my staying in the other cabin with nicki that night
"Bye" i think everyone said this to their new friends as well i did, when i reluctantly left the place i live for.

~The Em~

Unexpected Gifts...

Its funny. People just sometimes pop up in your life, and its a bit weird at first, but wonderful as it goes on. To me, the people that just pop up, mean so much more than the people that slowly fade into your life. I absolutely adore these people. Right now, I couldnt imagine my life without them, but a while ago, I had no idea who they were. Mainly there are two people that just appeared. The first, I didnt actually talk to, but wanted to be friends with for a while, and that person became more to me than anyone in under a week. The second, just literally apeared one day, on my msn, and I have to admit, it was really weird at first, but now were are as tight as two threads in a cloth's hem. I absolutely adore these people, but then adore is an understatement. It feels like they made my life better by just being there that one day when we met. My friend asked me one day "If you could meet anyone, who would you meet?" She had replied, her mother who had died before she got to know her, but I said I would just go back again and meet these same people who were just these wonderful unexpected gifts to me and I couldnt live without them now. These people are like china to me: I want to always protect them from the outside world and charish them forever. I sometimes cant believe its real, but then I know it is and always will be. Pop ups are the best things in my life right now and I wouldnt trade them for anything. (But I absolutely love the 'non-pop-ups' too!)

~The Em~

Density

For all you blondes out there... Know i still love you!

No matter how repetitive

how thorough, how precise,

your densely compacted skull

can't apprehend my advice.

Nothing, it seems, has the ability

to penetrate into your head.

If your life depended on it,

I'm afraid, you'd be dead.

I've tried so hard to help

to get you to realize;

see the most obvious things

or what anyone simply implies.

My assistance, though, I've noted

isn't really help at all,

for nothing has actually changed;

it's as disappointing as rainfall.

So whenever I try to show

what I feel or want most

you only overlook my thoughts

like they were but faint ghosts.

It's as though I never tried

I wish I hadn't, I admit,

so now I know your density

is something you'll always emit.

I Quit.

~The Em~

New Year...

Well its a new year now...not much different though. In the last few days of the long lost 2006, Sadam was hanged, but honestly, I dont think that it was him that they actually hanged, but someone else, I think he's still out there... but thats just my thoughts on the matter. Ford, a former president died, and in the new year, I sort of watched the funeral, but decided that the music sucked, so I muted it, and put on The Used and the funeral was much better, and not so dull. The new year, didnt really come in as a !BANG! either, I mean, at the party I went to, the countdown on the T.V. stopped so we had new year's about 45 seconds after everyone else, so technically I had no real New Year. But the party was cool, and I got to see some of my friends. There was this band there (dont remember the name) and they were pretty good, but nobody was listening to them, which I thought was very rude considering that they were a popular christian rock band, so I dragged Kaye, Em, and Ty and we sat in the middle of the floor and listened intently. I was happy cuz' the band came up and talked to us afterwards and they were good looking (I mean really good looking) and it was pretty cool. But otherwise my night sucked, and I still havent figured out what my resolution should be... but I will continue working on it. Since the new year came, I had to go back to school today, and I was so glad to be back in civilization again. Dont get me wrong, I absolutely love not being in school, but solitarily confining myself in my room for a week, was a little to much. Voices started talking to me... they told me to burn things! lol jk!! But so glad to get back to my peeps and the cooleo teach Smead, who is hilarious when she wants to be (a lot of the time.) So lucky me, new year is here, and so is civilization. And only about 20 more days with the devil (Mrs. Vogel,) and 7 more days 'til semester break, then spring break, then summer! Its not that long, if you think about it, 'til 2008, but then again, I'm jumping ahead. So enjoy your new year, or not so new year, I know I might... in 20 days! But now I'm off to enjoy othere things in my new year than typing. Happy Belated New Year!

~The Em~

Shot Down

Shot down. Thats what happened to me..

.
I made a friend. I considered them a very good friend to me. We would talk all the time on the phone. My mum didnt approve of us talking, so she limited my phone priveleges when they called. Of course I didnt agree with this so I snuck my mum's cell into my room at night and called them then. This person always made me smile. I enjoyed talking to them more than almost anyone. Then they sort of became a jerk for a while, and I felt sad like I was losing them. I didnt call them for a couple of weeks, to see if they cared enough to call me back. They didnt. But when I finally decided to call them, it seemed all my anger went away because they werent acting like a jerk anymore. The rude comments stopped coming, and I started to trust them again. We would talk on the phone at nights like always but not so frequently. Finally on night, they told me that they didnt consider me a friend anymore, that I'm more or less just a little psychiatrist girl to them, that we arent friends because I dont tell them anything. "BAM". Its just like they shot me in the chest. I felt so bad. They couldnt have chose a better time for this either, considering one of my good friends died a few days back. I then told them everything that came to my mind about how I was feeling right then; depressed. I tried to discuss other things too, but my mind was so confused, I only felt sad. Then while I felt things were starting to get a little better, they say that they have to get off the phone because its about to die, but they'll call me the next day so we can continue our conversation. Guess what? They didnt call. I felt really sad, but really mad at the same time. Its just like they shot me again and burnt me with the barrel. I feel roten, like I dont matter to anyone right now, like no one cares about me at all. I feel that if I died right now no one would care. But then again, what good would that do? I have no clue anymore. I was so depressed up untill about mid-summer and then I started to get better, gradually. Everything stayed the same, nothing changed, but I was starting to be happy again. Then the death happened and now this... it all feels like everything is going downhill right now. I guess I'm in a mourning state, and its sort of normal. I know I'll start to feel better sooner or later. But with this friend and whats going on with them? I dont know. I'll give you a sort of example: I'm up on the Brooklyn Bridge about to jump off. My friends are the ones holding me back. Before, I was trying to pull away from my friends, last year. But then I started letting them pull me back onto the bridge. If one of them lets go, I will again begin to fall and pull away from my friends. I cherish my friends deeply and to lose one is an awful thing. Right now I'm just sitting on the edge, pondering over what to do. Two of my friends already let go of me, due to death. Now I feel another is pulling away, allowing me to again resist. I hope to god that I can allow myself to me dragged back onto the bridge, into civilization, and I so dearly want that. But right now I'm just so confused... I do know some things so #1) the friends that are holding on with all their might, I thank so dearly and I love them so much for being there #2) the one who I feel is pulling I still love, because I still consider you a friend #3) I will always love my friends who passed away and will always be sad that they couldnt have more time; they died so young and #4) I will never commit suicide I feel its selfish and even though I am depressed I will never do it. So being shot down, hurts so much, but I will not try to dwell on whats wrong in life, not be the pesimist I am, but try to use optimism more... I'll try to be happy and will always be here for whoever needs me.


~The Em~

Death

A story I wrote, not very good but it was something that was on my mind so here you go...

Jayne was a very wealthy, successful company owner in New York City. She became good friends with one of her best employees, Margot, who was intelligent, punctual, and good looking. Jayne took pride in her friend and employee. The two of them always took lunch together and talked about company management, sales, and production, as well as personal things. Often Jayne cleared her schedule to spend time with Margot.
One day, Margot was working late in the copy room. She watched the machine copy and print page after page after page. Knowing she would be here for a while, Margot went to the break room for a warm cup of coffee. She stirred in the cream and sugar then headed back the copy room, one floor down. Margot walked to the elevator, pressed the call button, and waited for the doors to open. She thought she heard footsteps, but then again remembered that everyone should already have gone home. Looking around the corner, down the next hall, Margot saw Death and he pointed at her. She dropped her coffee on the carpeted floor scared out of her mind, and ran to the stairs and took them two at a time. She dashed to the copy room to retrieve the papers the machine had finished copying.
Jayne heard Margot enter her office, panting and flushed like she had seen a ghost. “You look awful. What happened? Is something wrong?”
Margot told Jayne about her encounter with Death, how she dropped her coffee and needed to find the night custodian, and how she finished getting the papers copied for her. Jayne laughed a little when Margot told her that she was worried about the coffee and the papers. Jayne then became very serious. “You need to get away, you can’t stay here.” She bustled around her desk, and finally found whatever she was looking for. “Here are the keys to my lake house. You can stay there for a while so Death can’t find you. You must hurry. I’d go with you but I have lots of paperwork to fill out here.”
She took the keys and thanked Jayne for everything. Margot embraced her good friend, maybe for the last time, but hopefully not considering Death wouldn’t be able to find her at the lake house.
Later when Jayne was finished with all her paperwork, she headed for the elevator. She pressed the down button and waited for the elevator, like Margot had earlier, and heard footsteps. She looked down the hall and saw Death, but instead of running, walked up to Death and confronted him. “Why did you go and scare my friend Margot like that?” Jayne’s tone was very harsh.
“Oh, I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to scare her. I was just surprised to see Margot earlier, because I have a meeting with her tonight at your lake house.”


This is a story, for all of you who didnt catch on, about the fact that you can not cheat Death.

~The Em~