Snapshot of Chicago

So I went to Chicago this week, and let me tell you it's about the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me. It's were I belong, I think. Not Chicago in specific, but a large city. As soon as we could start to see the city, I brightened up. I was happy there; I didn't even need a reason to be happy. I just was. It's really hard to explain how at home I felt there. So many people were afraid of being mugged or something. But not me; it didn't seem to frighten me. The traffic bothered so many people, especially when we were shopping. But not me; it felt normal, right. I think it was the best experience of my life so far. Best place I've ever been.
And the people I was with made it that much better. Name, Jimmy. Even though I've known Jimmy for a long time, he just really popped into my life Thursday. And God I'm glad he did. I don't know how, but he makes me really happy and he knows how to make me laugh. I mean, I've only really actually been friends with the guy two days or so, but it sucks to not have him around anymore. And I know things might not be the same anymore... and that makes me sad. I want to go back sooo bad. Things were better there. Just thinking about it makes me feel better. I felt warm and wanted there. Here, it's different. I don't feel warm and wanted; it's more like cold and unwelcomed.
But I loved my trip. I know I'll go back, take someone I love with me and show them the things that make a big city like that more wonderful than they can see. I dont know... I loved my trip. I loved who I was there with. I loved the feeling of being there. I love Chicago!
~the em~

Speech

Yay me!!! We got to state in speech, which, as the first freshman in forever to get that far, i was pretty excited about. i was actually the only person the judge didnt critique. I felt special. And today we went to state, which was cool. It was awesome, really. And we got a two. That means we didnt make it on to all-state. I should feel disappointed. But I Don't! Oh my god, i am sooooo relieved, you have no idea!!! When you read the same dull script that you never even liked in the first place, over and over again 100 times, it gets old. I am so glad to never again have to pick up that script and be that lame-0 charater ever again! So here's to failure: May it always come upon us when we want it too!!!!(lol)

~the em~

Epiphany

Well, the other night, I read this book. Its a great book and I'd suggest it to any and everyone. Its called "The Realm of Possibility". It has such great depth and wonderful philosophical meaning. Any way, great book. But when I finished reading it, or really when I was reading it, I had an Epiphany, a sudden realization of great relevence (thats my definition, not everyone's). So I thought I'd share. This is a good epiphany, I think. Its kind of random and metaphorical, but if you really look at it, it makes so much sense. So here it is.
_______________________________

Epiphany I

Let wat is, be.
You try too hard to find yourself.
If you sit still, wallowing in what could be, it never will.
ALONE is manmade.
When life places a hurdle in your path, jump.
Possivility is endless.
Don't limit yourself to walking when you can run.
Scars fade with time.
You can't hide forever.
You have to search before you can find.
If you question everything, you'll never have a truth.
Let it flow.
There doesn't have to be an answer for everyhting; Sometimes things just are.
Lear to live with life.
Don't provoke the unbearrable; You'll always lose the fight.
Everyone needs help once in a while.
Your dreams are your own.
YOu never know when you can change someone's life.
Don't wallow in the pain of tomorrow when today is still good.
When it rains, dance.
If you spend all your time searching for one thing, you'll miss everything else.
You can't mend a tear if you don't pick up the needle and thread.
Regret gets you nowhere.
If you can't swim, your won't learn by standing on land.
The tide comes in and washes away the old footprints, making room for the next day's.
_____________________________________________

~The Em~

What Do You Do?

What do oyou do
when everything around you
comes crashing down?

What do you do
when in your own tears,
you seem to drown?

What do you do
when your heart not only breaks
but completely shatters?

What do you do
when your every thought
to no one, matters?

What do you do
when all good things
come to an end?

What do you do
when your sould is a rag
no one could mend?

~The Em~

New Year's

Happy Belated New Year's!!!!

I'm late, I know, but at least I remembered at some point!

So yeah... I think this year my resolutions are:

-to lose weight (like every year)

-to work harder

-to be more optimistic

-to write more, finish my two novels

-not to over-analize/ over-complicate everything

-to be a better person

-to have a remotely good year

So those are my resolutions so far, I'll probably come up with more, but for now, this works. I don't think I should limit myself to making resolutions only at New Year's, no one should. Share your resolution, if you'd like. I'd really like to hear!

~The Em~

Be Careful What You Wish For

If you had a geanie lamp, what would you wish for?
_____
So many people would wish to be the most attractive person in the world, to be the wealthiest person in the world, to be the best at something, to have the person they love love them back, a chance to change time for one reason or another, ect. ect. Not Me. I have no problem with the fact that I am not beautiful. I do not want to roll around in a pile of money, spending it selfishly on myself. I don't care if I'm the best or the worst at anything, though I'm competetive, I don't mind losing; it enhances humility. I'm okay with the fact that the person I love will never love me in return; I just want them to be happy. I would never want to change time... things would be so different; the things that happened in my life for the better might never have happened and I would never chance that. 3 wishes. A mere 3 wishes you get granted. I'll say here that even a single wish with the garuntee to be granted is a wonderful thing, so I don't think Aladin should complain. What would I wish for? This may sound hypocritical, but I'd wish for an endless suply of money. Before you point a finger and think I'm selfish, let me explain myself. With that money, I would buy my best friend her dream car because of everything she's done for me. I'd also pay for her college tuition and all the gas she could burn. I'd take care of all my friends so they could be happy and have the opprotunities to do the things they want to do. The rest, I would give to charities. I honestly care for the starving children in Africa, the starving children everywhere. I care for those that can't provide for themselves and I would help them. Not a cent would go to me, I'd garantee it; I would continue working for the things that I want and not ask them to be handed to me because I have money. My second wish would go for world peace. Yeah, I know I probably sound like a pageant queen or some other sh*t, but I truely want that. I have so many good ideas to make the world a better place. I dream of a world without war and hunger, greed and hatred. I cant even go into my ideas about that... thats for another post in itself. For my third and final wish, I would wish for one of two things. If I could free the geanie with my third wish so he could be free and live, then I would. But if that wasnt so, I would wish for happiness for others. I'd wish that everyone else could be truely, genuinely happy. I want them never to have be so unhappy with their lives that they'd want to end it. I want for my friends who think that way, to look on the bright side and know that it gets better even if its not very good now. I want them, everyone, to be able to see that they are good, that they are wanted, that they never have to end their own lives because someone out here cares about them, and that alone is purpose enough to keep going. I want them never to shut out good thoughts, to be optimists, or remotely optimistic. I want them to be happy.
And that, my good friends, is what I'd wish for. Yeah, I'm sure many wouldn't wish for the same things with the same reasons. But I'd never take my three wished lightly, not like the rest of the world, or those who think solely of themselves. And maybe at the end of the day when all wishes are granted, you, with your money, good looks, and talent better than that of everyone else, and me. You may be happy with what you have, sure. But I, I will know that I made a difference, that I helped someone, that people have and will benefit from 3 little wishes. I will go to bed at night knowing that I did the right thing. That is what I'd wish for. What would you wish for?
~The Em~

Love Letter To You

My Dear Love,
though you know it not. I do love you. My heart only beats for you and the hopes you will see my true feelings. All I want for me is you, all I'll ever want is you. You are my every dream, my every thought. I desire you, need you. I crave your affections and your warm touch. I close my eyes and see you. You flow through my viens, in my blood, and drive me forward every day. I ache for you all hours of the day. I care for you so deeply, always have, always will. I fell for you the moment my eyes laid upon your wonderful figure, soon falling madly in love with the real you. My love always growing for you. My heart always needing you so it can beat, to keep me alive. I love you, so wholely. Only you will I love 'till the day of my death. Only you can dance through my dreams every night. Only you will I love forever.
But you know this not. You havent a clue, or maybe you do, you just refuse to acknowledge the truth. So friends we remain. I rock you in my arms as you cry. I laugh with you when you smile. I feel the pain you feel so often. I feel the real you you lock up inside. I know you inside and out. I've wrapped my life around yours. I've rearranged my priorities, putting you first. I've turned down needed opprotunities for merely the chance to talk to you again. I've always been there for you, or at least, tried. I've stayed stubbornly by your side even when it seemed you did not want me there. I have and will do everything for you as long as you allow it.
So friends we remain. And I regret this will, most certainly, always be so. Friends we shall be. I really do not mind. As long as I'm close to you in some way, I'm satisfied. I'm better now that you're in my life. Better now that I've known you. So I will continue to rock you as you cry. Continue to laugh with you when you smile, feel your pain, and know the real you. I will continue to stay by your side though anything. Always remaining your friend.
It pains me to say this. I suppose giving up all your hopes, giving up your greatest dreams, would hurt. More than anything it hurts. These feelings inside me will continue to grow stonger, and stronger, though already stronger than anything I've ever known. I know, some day, these feelings, this love I have inside me, will eventually cause me to implode. Everything will cave in inside me. My heart will fail me, not wanting to continue beating without your requited love. Because although your friendship is at the least of what I want, it is not what I need, not what can make me truely live and be genuinely happy. No, this will bring my end if never its tended to. But alas I do not care. You are all I want. You are all I need. You in my life at all has prolonged it's willingness to keep on going and growing. A part of me is okay with the early death this love will bring me. But a part of me inside doesnt want this. I dont really want to die not knowing your love. I dont know if I'll ever know your love. But I love you. I want you to feel this love, let it warm you when you're cold. Let my love in, let it flow through your veins. I love you will all my mind, heart, and soul.
You now have my heart. Do with it what you please. Break it into a thousand pieces if it pleases you. Or keep it and cherish it...love it. Do not give it back, I cannot take it. It is yours, your burden or treasure, whichever you chose. Just know: I have and forever will love you. No matter what, I do. I love you.

with all my heart mind and soul,
~The Em~