What A Predicament...

You know, there are many great things about being able to relate your own heart to the love songs you hear on the radio. Then again, it is also very painful because, just like all the songs, there is heart ache and sorrow. You're heart breaks, and like those touching, heart renching songs, it hurts like fucking hell. Quite honestly, I haven't quite experienced this one fully yet. No, see we haven't broken up, and I don't think we will. However, I can still feel the pain it may someday bring me if that sad thing happens. We're on a break. He's my "best friend" instead of my boyfriend, as he puts it. Things were hard, and yeah, I get that. But when something really matters to you, no matter how hard it is, you keep fighting to make it work. Right? Is that just me? I guess there's other logic that states otherwise. I know he cares about me; there's no denying it. I just really don't know what this means. James tells me not to worry, she thinks it's all going to work out happily. She's not the only one who thinks so. I hope that it will, with every fiber of my being. He's turned himself into my everything. I don't want that to go away. God I don't know what to do, how to feel. I just keep going, living my life from day to day, acting like everything's all superb and normal. But is it? I have faith in him, and I don't doubt him in any way. I'm just so used to losing everything I care about that it seems almost impossible to not worry. Oh dear.... my heart hurts... Even if we're not technically together, I still miss you.... I don't know how I'm supposed to stop that...

~the em~