How can I sit here

and say it's okay

when I've only been thinking

of you all my day,

they way that I hurt you

they things that I said

How can I feel comfy?

How can I go to bed?

I didn't want to do that

didn't mean to make you sad

I just knew I had to tell you

of the thoughts that I had.

I don't know what's going on

inside your intense, complex head.

I know I failed to mention

you make my heart a firey red.

And I'm dying on the inside

not knowing what you think

I keep breathing in and out

but I know I'm on the brink.

Tell me what's on your mind

It may not change a thing

but it matters nonetheless

please share everything

I need you...

~the em~

I Think

My mind: its swirling
like the flavors in a lolli-pop
Its everywhere and Nowhere
spinning round like a top

I don't know what to think
and I don't know what to say
sometimes i tend to wonder
if it matters anyway

Am I changing?
Do I care?
What's it to you?
Get out of my hair.

I don't need the answers
why even look?
they'll come to me eventually
and i'll be like an open book

I'm not much for writing
my thoughts are my own
I is what I is
and That's all that is known.

~the em~

Boo! Haha, I scared you!

Yeah, if it isn't already obvious, I couldn't think of a better title for what I'm blogging right now. I was thinking about it, and it occured to me that no one blogs anymore! No one! Just me. I'm the only one who has a continuous blog from when we all started and who still has it. Pft. And no one who used to read it still does. I think people have committment problems. Don't worry, I'm committed to this blog I guess. I kind of like it. It basically is a timeline of my past two years, or at least some of it. So yeah. That is my rant on how no one blogs!!!! BLOG MORE! Grrr. I'm running out of things to read people! haha

Okay, so I have absolutely nothing to say that goes along with my topic/title. But I ran today. I could have done better. I should have done better. But its okay, because I did better than I thought, so that's good. And I finished!! I was pretty proud of me. Well, I am now. When I finished, I was about to pass out (literally, my vision was fading to black and I could barely stand up I was so dizzy) and I cursed myself for getting me into that stupid running thing. Ugh. I had to lean on Jamie the whole for a long time. I like her for leaning on. She's a pretty great friend. And I get to write an essay about her... mwahahaha. I'll definitely make that interesting. But, yes. So running. Yeah. My glutes hurt. You'd think that since it was running and you use your legs that it would be my legs that hurt. But no. Its my butt. That is sooo beyond me....

Hmm.... well. I'm bored. And this isn't entertaining me because my life is pretty dull right now, I'm not going to lie. So.... MORE PEOPLE NEED TO BLOG! That's all I have to say.
the end

~the em~

When You Wish Upon A Star

Well, the title makes me feel like Jiminey Cricket, lol, but that's okay.

I saw a shooting star tonight. I like shooting stars, I think they are absolutely beautiful. I was walking home with my cousin, Abby. She told me to make a wish. Hmm..... dare I say "How cliche"? I might have, I'll admitt it. But I did make a wish. I won't share. But I made a wish. Besides, wishes rarely come true, so it's not a big deal. Even still, I wonder what this magic will bring me.

One time when I was little, I wished upon an airplane. I think it was the best wish ever. Even if it was on an airplane, my wish was pretty great. I don't know whether it was a great wish in itself, or the feeling making the wish gave me that was great. But whatever it was, my wish came true. Maybe people would have more luck if they wish on airplanes instead... who knows?

I watched a meteor shower not too long ago. Technically, it wasn't a meteor shower; it was the Earth passing through a giant ring of dust that circles the sun and the particles of dust were the shiny flying things in the sky =P. But it was amazing. Did I wish? Yes, I wished a lot. But my wished didn't come true in the way I had hoped. They came true in mysterious ways. I saw about 15 shooting stars that night, but I really only made a few wishes.

Thing is, a part of me doesnt even believe in making wishes. I think you have to go after what you want and not let pure happen-stance solve everything. I can be a go-get-er. So maybe making the wish was the first step in going after what I really want/need. Maybe I made the wish because I didn't think I'd ever be able to get that, and it was my only chance because I had been trying. Maybe I made the wish to give myself a ray of hope that could lead me to getting what I want/need. Who knows?

All I know is that on my wall, the large part of me that relies on fate wrote "Make a wish... and Believe in it." I heard that on a philosophical tv show that's not really philosophical at all. I find meaning in everthing =). But, if you don't believe in things, in yourself and in your wishes and desires, then its hopeless. And even though I believe whole-heartedly in this philosophy, I'm pretty hopeless. =)

"When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires will come to you
If your heart is in your dreams, no request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star as dreamers do
(Fate is kind, she brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of their secret longing)
Like a bolt out of the blue, fate steps in and sees you thru
When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true"

~the em~

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Today. Was it good? Was it bad? Was it ugly? The answer is yes to all of those questions.

The Good: I got to go to Adventureland (amusement park)
The Bad: I've been there before this summer and there was nothing new/fun.
The Ugly: It was beyond lame.

The Good: I went with Abby.
The Bad: Her parents went too.
The Ugly: I'm actually related to them. (lol)

The Good: We didn't have to stay with her parents because of advanced technology (cell phones).
The Bad: I was the only one with a cell except for my aunt.
The Ugly: The first hour we were there, my cell flew out of my pocket on a ride and into a giant pool of water (I almost cried).

The Good: Her parents let us roam on our own still.
The Bad: It was still really lame.
The Ugly: I had no cell phone T_T.

The Good: We managed to have fun even though it was lame.
The Bad: We stayed there for a long time.
The Ugly: I still had no cell phone.... =(

The Good: We left and went to Tasty Tacos.
The Bad: There wasn't much bad; they had good tacos.
The Ugly: I hate to be redundant, but I had no cell phone.

The Good: We then decided to go to Goodwill.
The Bad: It was closed.
The Ugly: It would have been the highlight of our day ;). Oh, and I had no cell phone.

The Good: We found a Salvation Army.
The Bad: My uncle almost ran into it with the Jeep.
The Ugly: I was still really wet from the rides at the park, and my phone still didn't work.

The Good: The store was amazing! I'll admit it, those kinds of stores are my favorites, and I found a lot of great stuff there.
The Bad: (Well, actually "The Sad:") We had more fun there than at the park.
The Ugly: There was a horrible smelling person there. I honestly couldn't breathe when I went into the changing room after this person. It hurts my nose to think about. It was beyond bad.

The Good: When we got done, we came back home.
The Bad: I almost fell asleep and it was only 8:30.
The Ugly: I still have no phone....

But I have faith that after it dries off completely, it'll be okay. I'm going to test it out tomorrow morning... I'm really really sad... I miss it...

But even though my day seemed as if it would suck, I had a pretty great day, despite everything. It was pretty good.

Yay team.

~the em~

Happy in Love

Happiness is the flickering fire that warms your cheeks on a cold night.
Love is the warm fuzziness you feel when he kisses you.
Its when you look into his eyes
and when he smiles at you for no reason.
Happiness is when you can dance when you want to.
Love is when he dances with you.
It smells like fresh morning dew
and the burning embers of a toasty fire.
Happiness is a nice bowl of ice cream.
Love is the warm caramel and the cherry on top.
It happens when you sing a happy song
and make up your own lyrics.
Happiness is a nice cozy bed that is more relaxing than anything.
And Love is the fluffy comforter that wraps around you on cold night.

~The Em~

Ice Cream

Ice cream at midnight.
Near every midnight.
Not for hunger.
Or for pleasure.
More for hate
and for tears.
She doesn't want it,
she doesn't need it.
But she has it anyways.
Not for hunger
or for pleasure
She hates it.
She hates herself.
But she can't stop it
she won't stop it
So she cries,
and hates herself
and it eats her
as she eats
Ice cream at midnight
Near every midnight.