Changing Seasons

Although this seems like a relatively frequently discussed topic on my blog, it was a part of my life and a fairly significant part, so I feel the need to talk about it, or well, type, but let's not get technical. Today is essentially my two year milemarker of not using self injury. It's really one of the most refreshing things to think about and realize. It didn't even really hit me untill I looked at the date this evening and for some reason it seemed familiar. I haven't cut in two years. Two whole years. It's so incredible considering two years ago, I never thought I'd see this day. Not only is this an insanely amazing marker in my life, but I have officially closed every part of my old life. Yesterday was the very last day with even a hint of that Emylee. Today, I opened up the new me completely by, not drawing my own blood to cause myself pain, but by donating it to a blood bank to save someone elses life. I saved my own two years ago when I quit, now I find it appropriate to save others'. This will probably be the last time I even recognize this date, so I felt the need to say all this. My life has taken a turn from the worst to something so great. No one really reads this blog, and I'm perfectly okay with that. But to whoever does, when shit happens, it gets better. My blog is solid proof of that. In only a short period of time, someone can go from having absolutely no hope to having all the joy in the world. Have hope. Life isn't all bad, despite what you may think or feel at the moment. It only gets better.
~the em~

What A Predicament...

You know, there are many great things about being able to relate your own heart to the love songs you hear on the radio. Then again, it is also very painful because, just like all the songs, there is heart ache and sorrow. You're heart breaks, and like those touching, heart renching songs, it hurts like fucking hell. Quite honestly, I haven't quite experienced this one fully yet. No, see we haven't broken up, and I don't think we will. However, I can still feel the pain it may someday bring me if that sad thing happens. We're on a break. He's my "best friend" instead of my boyfriend, as he puts it. Things were hard, and yeah, I get that. But when something really matters to you, no matter how hard it is, you keep fighting to make it work. Right? Is that just me? I guess there's other logic that states otherwise. I know he cares about me; there's no denying it. I just really don't know what this means. James tells me not to worry, she thinks it's all going to work out happily. She's not the only one who thinks so. I hope that it will, with every fiber of my being. He's turned himself into my everything. I don't want that to go away. God I don't know what to do, how to feel. I just keep going, living my life from day to day, acting like everything's all superb and normal. But is it? I have faith in him, and I don't doubt him in any way. I'm just so used to losing everything I care about that it seems almost impossible to not worry. Oh dear.... my heart hurts... Even if we're not technically together, I still miss you.... I don't know how I'm supposed to stop that...

~the em~

Love Songs

The lyrics flow smoothly into the perfect melody, and you can't help but sing along. I know I for one can't. But a lot of the time, you can only sing the song. It's incredibly hard to relate to the epic love that's occuring in the catchy tune. And then you find yourself longing for something that you don't have and worry you never will. On top of that, it's hard to even understand what they mean in the song when they say or do something. But overall, it doesn't matter because it has a pretty sound.
For the first time, I think that I can finally understand what they really mean in those beautiful songs. I can finally relate to what they're saying. I understand. I do. It's really incredible to be able to know what they really mean, to be able to sing along with those catchy chorus' and really mean what you're singing. My days of cynicism about love are over. I've found what it truely is, what it can really amount to be. There's nothing greater, especially when I can sing those lyrics, and mean every word.
So here's to falling in love, to finding Mr. Right, and then writing a catchy tune about it.
~The Em~

ദിസ്‌ ഈസ്‌ വാട്ട്‌ ദേ കാള്‍ ലൈഫ്

ഐ ലവ് ദി സോണ്ഗ് ബൈ ദി ബീത്ലെസ്, ശേ ലോവേസ്‌ യു. ഇറ്റ്‌'സ എ രീല്ലി ഗുഡ് സോണ്ഗ്ഐ കാന്‍ സ്റ്റോപ്പ്‌ തിങ്കിങ്ങ് എബൌട്ട്‌ ദിസ്‌ ഗേള്‍, വ്ഹോം ഐ നോ ഐ'മ ഫല്ലിംഗ് ഫോര്‍. ശേ'സ സൊ നോട വാട്ട്‌ ഐ ഇവര്‍ തൌഘ്റ്റ്. ഐ സെരിഔസ്ല്യ് തിങ്ക്‌ ദാറ്റ്‌ ഐ കുല്ദ്‌ ഈസിലി ഫല്‍ ഇന്‍ ലവ് വിത്ത്‌ ഹേര്‍. ശേ'സ സൊ അമഴിംഗ് ആന്‍ഡ്‌ ഐ അബ്സോലുറെല്‍ി ലവ് കിസ്സിംഗ് ഹേര്‍. ഐ ഡോണ്‍'ടി നോ വാട്ട്‌ ടോ ഡോ വിത്ത്‌ മൈസെല്‍ഫ്‌ ഹഹ. ശേ മകെസ്‌ മി സൊ ഇന്ക്രെടിബ്ലി ഹാപ്പി. ഐ കാന്‍'ടി ബെലിഎവേ ഇറ്റ്‌ *സ്മിലെ*
ഓണ്‍ അനോതെര്‍ പോയിന്റ്‌, ഐ ജസ്റ്റ്‌ ഫൌണ്ട് ദിസ്‌ രീല്ലി അമഴിംഗ് ലാംഗ്വേജ് ദാറ്റ്‌ഐ'മ ഉസിംഗ് റൈറ്റ് നോ. ഐ ഡോണ്‍'ടി എക്ഷക്ട്ല്യ് നോ വാട്ട്‌ ലാംഗ്വേജ് ഇറ്റ്‌ ഈസ്‌, ബട്ട്‌ ഐ ലൈക്‌ ഇറ്റ്‌ ഇറ്റ്‌'സ സൊ ഫുന്‍! ഓ! ആന്‍ഡ്‌ വെ ഹാവ് എ ഗെയിം ടോനിഘ്റ്റ്‌. ഇറ്റ്‌ ഷുഡ്‌ ബി ലോറസ് ഓഫ് ഫുന്‍.
വെല്‍, ഐ'മ ഗോഇന്ഗ് ടോ ഗോ നോ.
~ദി എം~

The Misconception of Love and Baked Goods

The chocolate sryup

swirled into a glass of cold milk,

the hot fudge

poured atop mountains of iced cream,

the whipped cream

those endless shots from aerisol cans,

the box of twinkies

fluffy cake filled with white cream,

the fudgy brownies

an entire pan of chocolatey-goodness,

the powdered donuts

sugery cake, missing only a hole,

the cookie dough

not quite making it to a baking sheet,

the frosted cupcakes

candied drops of the perfect ingredients,

the chocolate bar

endless varieties of cocoa and nut,

these sweet delights

considered the best love she's ever had.

~the em~

Things End. The End

Gone.
Like the sun into dark clouds
Like clouds before a rainbow
Like a rainbow in the sun.
Gone.
Like the wind nipping the leaves.
Like the leaves falling from trees
Like the trees breaking in the wind.
Gone.
Like the children from the park
Like the park from memories
Like the memories of the children.
Gone.
Like the snow in the hot heat
Like the heat without fire
Like the fire in all the snow.
Gone.
Like the birds to the south
Like the southern lights at night
Like the night to chirping birds.
Gone.
Like babies to growing age
Like old age to death
Like death to rebirth
Gone.

~the em~

When The Clock Strikes Midnight

The world fades to grey
The girl does the same
Nothing can hide
from the change in time.
The sun in the heavens
the life in her eye
they all cease to be.
The hour surrounds her
reality grounds her
A tear slips silently
no one to hear or see
the cry for a dream
for it's simply a dream
a mere wish on a star
though still under par
when the bells sounds
loudly twelve times.

~the em~